


Hello, Angel

by Paytonkilljoy



Category: Mindless Self Indulgence, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drugs, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-05-01
Packaged: 2018-01-20 00:56:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1490764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paytonkilljoy/pseuds/Paytonkilljoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My Chemical Romance goes on tour with Mindless Self Indulgence, opening up for them at a few shows. They are scheduled to go on the Projekt Revolution tour just weeks after, but drugs and alcohol may cost the band a very important member before this can happen..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Hello, Angel.

Chapter One-

"Gerard!" I heard my younger brother call from the opposite end of the tour bus.

 

"What?" I called right back.

"Hurry." Was all Mikey commanded.

I huffed and puffed in circles around the back of the bus. I did so many laps I probably wore holes in the carpet.

I can't waste any more time.

I'm in my costume and I've got my makeup on, so with a beer in my hand, I made my way out the door.

Closing my eyes for only a moment, dark and terrifying images played across my mind and blinded me. If it weren't for the roar of the crowd that made my heart ache, I probably would have passed out.

I have to do this.

And with that, I downed half the booze I was holding on to for dear life. I dropped the bottles on the floor and grabbed the mic a stage tech was holding out to me.

He gave me a look I couldn't understand and scrunched up his nose. But I couldn't care less right now; my mind is fuzzy and clouded.

I feel weightless, I feel free.

The pain faded and left me with absolutely nothing. No feelings, emotion, or thoughts. The words mechanically poured out of my mouth as they do every night.

"Thank you!" I screamed and raised a hand up to the sky.

"That was fuckin' awesome!" A little voice crackled in my ear.

It was Frank talking through the mic only we can hear. I chuckled and waved my arms back and forth. I nodded to him in agreement, mostly because I can't remember exactly what was so awesome. I assume it was the song we just played, but that doesn't change a thing because I can barely remember that either. I'm too wasted at this point.

Things are starting to sway, fall, and the ground was suddenly upright and to the left of me. Then I felt the cool floor pressed against my cheek, I guess it wasn't the world that was spinning, and it was me.

"Gerard?" A voice echoed from the top of the well I'm stuck in.

I can't see a thing and I feel like I'm underwater, floating and drifting. Everyone else is so far away.

"Get him off the floor." Someone grunted.

The coolness left me cheek and suddenly there were hands gripping my arms and shoulders.

I shook my head and tried to focus.

Mikey. I can make out Mikey's face, his glasses are at the end of his nose.

Then there's Frank. He's standing beside Mikey, his hand is holding on to my shoulder tightly.

Where's Ray?

Oh, I can see his fro bobbing around somewhere behind Mikey.

I can't see anyone else, but I guess that doesn't matter.

All of the sudden, I could feel a fast beat and shrill words beating through my eardrums and drilling in to my head.

I turned away from the boys to see a guy jumping around the stage with a smile on his face. They must be who we just opened up for.

The bass thudded and rumbled through the festival grounds and vibrated in my throat and the pit of my stomach.

I looked to see the bass players long black hair swaying around her shoulders. I then saw the lead singer was wearing pink fairy wings.. I've seen stranger I guess.

I wanted to keep watching, something interested me, but I couldn't keep my feet planted. Against my will they began moving back towards the bus.

I fumbled and stumbled back to the fridge where I know I can start to feel better again.

I need the bitter liquid to burn and stain my throat so I won't have to feel a thing anymore, it'll take it all away.

"Gerard?" Someone called.

I had already guzzled the bottle that is rather small in my opinion.

Oh yeah, Gerard is my name. I'm supposed to respond somehow.

"Yeah?" I choked out.

It was my brother again.

"Put that down!" He snapped, his hand reaching for the bottle.

I couldn't help the giggle the escaped my lips. I eagerly let go of the bottle and saw him frown when he realized it’s empty.

"S-Sorry Mikeyy." I giggled.

A fit of laughs escaped my lips.

Mikey rolled his eyes and tossed it in the bin beside me.

"What the fuck, Gerard?" Frank snapped from behind me.

 

"Huh?" I blinked a few times to focus on his annoyed face.

"Can you stop drinking for five fucking minutes?" He sighed.

 

"Uh, I-I dunno." Then came another round of giggles.

Frank grabbed himself a bottle from the fridge and popped the lid off.

Hypocrite.

"At least I have it under control." Frank sneered.

Did I say that out loud? I guess. Oops.

I ignored all their comments and bullshit and just climbed inside my messy little bunk.

We just got this bus about two weeks ago, and it's already messy. Before we had been in a cramped little van.

This is much better.

My eyes closed slowly as I passed out in my little bed.


	2. Chapter Two

Hello, Angel. 

Chapter Two-

 

The next day I awoke with a pounding headache, but a clear mind.

"What the fuck?" I croaked, swinging myself to the little hall.

"You were so wasted last night your pants fell off like twice." Ray chuckled slightly and took a sip of beer.

 

I laughed dryly and found a cup of coffee waiting for me on the counter.

"Thanks, Mikey." I shouted over my shoulder.

I carried the warm mug back to my bunk and sat on the edge with my legs hanging just above the ground.

"I miss the van." Frank yawned.

We all looked to him with raised eyebrows.

"I'm kidding, this bus kicks ass." He looked around with a smile.

I nodded and reached back in to my bunk and grabbed the little orange bottle of pills that was whispering my name since the second I opened my eyes from my deep sleep.

"Why do you need so many?" Mikey stopped walking and watched me pop a handful in my mouth with a mouthful of coffee.

I shrugged and let them slide down, one by one the fell in to my stomach.

A light little buzz started in the back of my head. I instantly felt a little lighter, the dark cloud no longer clung to my shoulders.

Deep breathes, deep breathes.

I switched out my coffee for the last beer we have.

"We need more." I anxiously tapped my fingers on the top of the fridge while I drank.

And just like that, I was completely off my feet. Or at least it felt that way. Things swirled around just the way I like it.

The self-destruction is just as addicting as the alcohol and drugs.

Speaking of drugs, I need more after the show tonight. Another beer will get me through it, but I don't know what will get me through the night. I know I won't make it long going off of nothing. The dark thoughts will creep up on me and who knows what will happen after that.

"I'm gonna go out and smoke." I slurred my words a bit, but they understood just fine.

I walked out in to the burning heat and took slow steps down the cement paths.

"Broken city skies, like butane on my skin.." I mumbled and hummed to myself as I lit the cigarette from between my lips.

"That songs great." Someone said from behind me.

I didn't turn to meet whoever the beautiful voice belonged to.

I don't feel like socializing, so maybe giving them the cold shoulder will force them away.

But they weren't that easy as most people are.

"You guys were pretty sick last night." She walked to my side and took a seat beside me on the cement block.

"Thanks." Even in a slightly drunk and a little high state, I can tell this girl is beautiful.

Her dark hair fell in long waves when she looked down at her feet, it covered her face. Her voice is absolutely perfect. Like nothing I've ever heard before. Like its own type of music.

"I'm a new member of Mindless, the band you opened up for last night." She clarified. 

"Oh." I nodded.

"I'm Lindsey." She stuck out a pale hand for me to shake.

I held the cigarette between my lips again to free my hand.

Her warm hand was soft and smooth, very pale and flawless.I studied her face. Her big brown eyes and long dark lashes caught my eye instantly.Next her full, brightly painted lips stole my focus. They stretched in to a breath taking smile.

 

Once again, like nothing I've ever seen before.

I've only seen her once, and she's already clouding my mind like nothing else.

"I'm Gerard." I finally said, "Gerard Way."

"You're bands called My Chemical Romance, right?" She asking, breaking her eyes away from my gaze.

"Yeah." I nodded, a tiny smile on my lips.

"Cool."

We sat in silence for a little while before she got up and made her way back to her bus.

I did the same, and I was greeted by Ray.

"I saw you with Lindsey." He smirked.

"Shut up." I grumbled and walked right past him.

The day dragged on until finally it was show time. I fought with Mikey over the eyeliner and smeared it around my eyes, making me look dead and a little creepy.  
I like it this way.


	3. Chapter Three

Hello, Angel. 

Chapter Three-

 

 

A hand full of booze and a mouth full of pills makes the pain go away.. I have to promise myself this when dark and brutal images began to crawl and scrape their way back in to my head.

Anti-depressants.

Aren't these supposed to make me feel better?

They sure as fucking hell aren't working, unless I take a few extra and wash it down with alcohol of some kind. What a rip off.

I need something more..

That's why I can't wait tell the end of the show. Should be interesting.

Once again, I jumped and jogged around the stage to the beat. The words stumbled out, and kids jumped up and down along with me. Security held them back when it got too crazy. There was some kind of satisfaction knowing that the words I'm up here singing mean something to all their sweaty smiling faces. The thought made me throw myself in to the song twice as much.

But then the pills kicked in.

Like poison, they took over my mind and all my senses. The agony, the sadness, it's all flooding in. Right past the fuzzy wall of drugs and beer I built up, it poured in to my mind. The sudden rush of it all nearly knocked me off my feet.

Frank sent me a worried look from across the stage, but just kept on playing. Mikey glanced my way a few times, but there wasn't much he could do. We're in the middle of playing a huge show, we can't fuck up.

I continued to act like a complete idiot, the crowd seems to like it. It helps get the hype up a bit.

As the last song came to a close, I rushed off the stage. In my hurry, I felt myself bump in to something.

"Sorry." I murmured.

"It's ok." The angel voice replied.

My eyes shot up to meet the familiar brown ones from earlier.

I felt my heart flutter and stop. I can't even begin to wrap my head around her perfectly imperfect beauty. She's not "super model material", she's a little curvy. Her body looks totally natural, not stick thin. Her long dark hair is now in messy pigtails that look absolutely adorable.

But I couldn't stay to observe this mysterious beauty, I need to go meet someone.. I already have plans.

Not the kind you'd think though.

I brought my money and met a guy from another band behind the main stage and traded money for drugs.

He gave me a few tiny pills, some syringes, and a plastic bag. God, I hate needles. But I hear the effects are totally worth it.

I popped a small pill in my mouth and shoved the rest in my pocket.

The mixture of drinking and whatever type of pill that was caused me to fall flat on my face within minutes. But it was amazing.

The guys must have found me later on because I woke up the next day in my bunk.

I rubbed my head, it hurts so much worse than the day before.

Everything has worn off by now, so the urge to have more was already biting at the back of my mind.

"What the fuck happened, man?" Frank shouted toward me the second I was out of my bunk.

"I don’t know." I whispered.

I realized I'm still wearing my sweaty stage clothes, and make up is still smeared all over my face.

"You smell like.. Shit." Frank softened his glare and chuckled a bit.

I silently thanked god for my understand friends, I wouldn't be able to handle it if he was pissed at me for what happened.

"Yeah yeah, you don't smell too hot either, princess." I ruffled his slightly greasy hair and walked to back of the bus where the bathroom door is.

Before entering the tiny room I knocked, just to be careful. Mikey gets pissed when I accidentally walk in on him.

With the door shut, I leaned my back against the cool wood.

Deep breathes, I have to constantly remind myself to keep breathing. If I don't I'm scared I'll stop.

But maybe that won't be such a bad thing. No, I don't need to do that right now. I just need the pills and everything will be fine.

THAT will be my last resort. If it gets bad enough, I'll end it all. Then it'll be ok. 

The orange bottle seemed to magically appear in my hands once again before slipping to the floor.

Why can't I stop shaking? What's happening?

I ignored my painfully shaky hands and scooped every last pill back in to the bottle. I popped the red ones in my mouth first, feeling their smooth outer coating calmed me down just a little bit. Then I let the blue ones in as well.

The mix of pills hit my stomach and dissolved quickly. I gripped the counter and waited for it to kick in. The seconds ticked by, slower, slower, slower.

Annoyingly slow.

Painfully slow.

Agonizingly slow.

All of the sudden it seemed as if a hand had reached down and picked me off my feet and let me fly higher than a kite.

The pills finally kicked in.

With a weight off my shoulders and little bit lighter step, I left the bathroom without a care in the world.

"Not again." I heard Ray whisper.

I wanted to ask him what he meant. I wanted to apologize for whatever was bothering him, but the cloudy feeling in my head wouldn't let me. It shoved down the real feelings and made me feel..

Weightless.

That's why I do this, isn't it? Other than the romanticizing of self-destruction. It's all to take away the pain, kill my emotions, and let me feel like this instead.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello, Angel. 

Chapter Four-

 

I decided it would be a good time to go for a walk, even though the sun in beating down like crazy and I most likely have makeup smeared on my face. In the moment, nothing matters.

 

I instantly felt the sweat bead to the surface of my skin while I walked through the gravel and grassy patches down the line of tour busses. We're playing a festival right now, and in a few days we'll leave and continue a tour opening up for MSI.

I have to admit they're pretty amazing. Ray told me their names are Jimmy, Kitty, and Steve. I already met and talked to their bass player, Lindsey. Or should I said "Lyn-Z". It's a nice stage name though it’s only spelled different.

I spotted a guy standing by a long dark grey bus who had very odd hair. It was sort of like a Mohawk, but stood up randomly in different directions. I liked it.

"Hey." I greeted the guy, it's Jimmy.

I blinked a few times to put my vision back in focus for it began to blur around the edges.

Man, I feel like shit. My body anyway, my mind is still soaring high.

Little do I know that soon enough I'll crash and burn. The thought is in the back of my head, but I can't pull it forward enough to act on it and go back to my bus.

"Hey, Gerard!" He said with a happy grin on his face after taking a sip from a beer bottle.

I felt my mouth water at the the smell of the alcohol that wafted around the outside of their bus. But I restrained myself enough to carry on a conversation.

"What's up?" I laughed randomly.

"Just hanging out and chillin’ before the show tonight. How 'bout you man?" He squinted against the sun that glared in his eyes.

"N-nothing'." I giggled.

He gave me a puzzled look before realized that I'm totally high on drugs.

He let out a laugh and continued drinking.

I leaned against the bus and let the sun wash over me. I pictured myself as a painting, the yellow paint would sweep over the canvas and coat my dark figure. But a storm cloud would cover the portion of sun that would touch my face and heart. A sick metaphor.

"Excited to tour with us?" Jimmy broke my thoughts.

I opened my eyes and the swirling paints and clouts disappeared, leaving my line of view to a dusty area with a crazy haired man standing before me.

"Hell yes!" I cheered when it registered what he said.

"Fuck yeah!" Jimmy high fived me.

He offered me a beer and I, of course, accepted. The second the cool glass was in my hands I took two huge gulps.

A second later the door opened to their bus, causing us both to look up and see who was coming out.

A girl with somewhat short hair walked out wearing a small grin.

She looked behind her to the still open door and rolled her eyes, motioning for someone to follow.

Then came out a girl with long black hair that was tied up in two messy pigtails. I, for the millionth time, couldn't believe how pretty she is. Even in a state were I'm not much like the normal me, I could tell she's beautiful.

It was Lindsey and Kitty.

"Hey guys." Kitty said with a small wave.

"Hello." I waved back.

I could feel my legs begin to shake a little, but I locked my knees and leaned against the bus to keep still.

"Hey." Jimmy said.

Lindsey remained quiet and just looked at me. Her lip gloss smile was perfect.

"Still nervous about tonight, Lynz?" Jimmy asked.

"A little." She bit her lip and looked everywhere but anyone's eyes.

I could tell she was lying.

"She's freaking out." Kitty fake-whispered the truth despite Lindsey's protests and light shove to her shoulder.

"Whatever." Lindsey looked down with a sigh.

"You don't need to be nervous." I blurted out, my serious sentence was followed by another laugh that wasn't meant to escape my lips.

"Thanks." Lindsey blushed.

"Don't mind him, let’s just say Mr. Way here is way higher than a kite." Jimmy pointed a thumb in my direction.

I tapped my fingers against my leg and couldn't stop fidgeting.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop shaking or moving, and I feel like I'm going to pass out. What's happening to me?

Then I remembered all the pills I took a little earlier. And the after effects of them.. They bring me higher but pull me down further than I had been before.

I didn't realize, but I guess I didn't want to, that I was walking away from the small group, the beer randomly connecting to my lips against my will.

My feet kept carrying me to the cement sidewalk that winds around the festival grounds, through some trees, past the busses, and through about patch of trees.

For the first time in a long time, I didn't want to be high. I wanted to be the normal me so I could actually keep up a conversation with the amazing people we are honored to tour with. It gets lonely since I have no human contact other than my brother and band mates telling me to stop getting high and drinking. They think I do it for fun. No, I'm not having fun anymore. It keeps the bad things away for a while. But now I don't like the way it makes me feel. The drinks and drugs are pulling me deeper, down and down and down, further and further. How much further tell rock bottom?

And in the moment of feeling my stomach heave as I fell to my knees, I want this to be rock bottom. I want this to be the end.

The world turned sideways and all I can see now is a line of trees to one side and a path to the other. The dust in the distance swirled around the many bodies that worked to prepare for the later shows and get everything ready for the many bands arriving today.

Someone is bound to see me, but I guess it doesn't matter. Who will want to help a random smelly guy about the pass out under a tree with vomit constantly spewing out his mouth?

I don't think I want them to find me. This could really be the end.. That sounds pretty nice right now.


End file.
